Sunday morning found me sitting in church (well, standing, praising, and even jumping). We have been blessed to experience refreshing at an amazing church filled with SO much love. Matt and I laughed as we drove there Sunday morning that we needed all the coffee and SweetTarts (a breakfast of champions) we could get to keep up with just the praise & worship part of the service. =) We LOVE it!
As the music began I could just tell that God had a special blessing for us this day. Eventually, the lyrics to "Break Every Chain" came up on the screen as the pastor sang it. He pauses at some point and says a few words. He asks every one who has ever had an addiction and had those chains broken by God to raise both hands as high as you could; be it drugs, alcohol, pornography, etc. I watched in amazement as hands flew up without hesitation and the congregation applauded. The song continued and those who raised their hands praised as they remember where their God had brought them from.
And I thought of me, the girl who has spent her whole life in church and who has never had a testimony of God pulling me out of a life of drugs, alcohol, etc. It's something I often get beat up by the enemy for. It seems silly, I know. But it used to be that I would feel like no one could ever be touched by my testimony... raised in church, came to God at 9 years old, and in ministry together with my husband since we were 17 years old. (I have since learned God has a purpose for my testimony being like it is and He has used it.) But here was Satan telling me AGAIN that my testimony was "wimpy". I was SO SICK of being attacked over that. No more. And I stood there thinking about what scripture I would throw in his face to shut him up.
When all of a sudden God reminded me of my dad. Why my dad? Because my dad was addicted to drugs by the time he was 18. He drank a lot. He was lost without God. Till one day, this man witnessed to my dad at work. My dad went home and later that night accepted God into His life and he never touched alcohol or drugs again.
I had to raise both my hands in the air as high as I could and thank God for sparing me. Tears streamed down my face as I realized He kept me from that life. I very well could have been born with a drug addict father or not even be born at all if God had not broken every chain in my dad's life.
Well, those five minutes or so that I thought of my dad and what God kept me from has totally squashed any thought that my testimony wasn't amazing. It is. See, my testimony couldn't be what it is without that moment that God broke all the chains for my dad. I was born with a father addicted to God instead of drugs and now I am addicted to God!
If you are dealing with chains that are holding you down, tearing your life apart, or choking you, you can be free! God can break every chain you have. You don't have to live with the pain. He is there with these great, big, giant, muscular arms, ready to tear those chains off of your life.
"Come to me, all of you who are weary and loaded down with burdens, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28
Jul 23, 2012
Jul 15, 2012
Cross Over the Lines :: WARNING - You may feel a little less judgmental!
Lately, God has just shaken me... shaken me to understand just why people won't come to God. I know that I have so many failures and at times have been hypocritical. I know that right now I have things I'm working at because I'm human and not perfect. I don't expect people to think Christians are perfect... nor do I want them to expect us to be. That's a heavy burden to carry. I want people to accept that we all are vulnerable to sin and mistakes no matter how hard we try to be as much like Christ as possible. I am human and I am going to let someone down at some point in probably every week of my life. In ministry I try to encourage those who come to me let down by others to follow what Hebrews 3:1 says, "Fix your thoughts on Jesus." He is the only one who can show a sinless and perfect way to live your life and the one who can NOT let you down.
Lately I have thought, how much do Christians as a whole have to do with the fact that we are sometimes expected to be "perfect" by others? I've heard it said, "You teach people how to treat you." Have we taught them to treat us as "high and mighty", better than the world we are charged to share Jesus with? Have we given any thought to how our "lines" have separated us from the very ones Jesus himself was around and teaching during His life? Have we gotten so "holy" that we can't reach out to a hurting person even if they don't look or act like us?
I have heard of church services lately, where homosexuals were attacked instead of loved from behind the pulpit. I won't stand around with my head in the sand pretending that "Christians" are doing their best to help others and everything is fine. The reality is that there is a lot of work that needs to be done among Christians and the entire human race, for that matter, concerning our lack of love one for another.
Just when I was feeling the most pain for how this group I was associated with (Christians) was treating people, I saw this post on a friend's Facebook that shared a link titled, "21 Pictures that will Restore Your Faith in Humanity." I was drawn to it, first, because I obviously love images. But upon scrolling through the link, I was drawn to the challenge it presented me. This is the first image I saw:
(Michelle Gantner / Maladjusted Media)
A group of Christians from Chicago went to a gay pride parade just to say that they were sorry. Here's where I'm going to lose some of you and that's alright. Why was this so TOUCHING? Because it was a group of Christians being REAL with people... admitting that they aren't perfect.
We aren't going to get anywhere in our quest to have people come to God if we are judgmental and show hate to people. I can disagree with someone, but I just can't belittle the value of their soul and the person behind the action. I just can not do it. If Jesus could come here for me and all that I have done, then how can I tell someone because they did "________" (fill in the blank), that I don't believe He can save them? But isn't that what our actions sometimes tell people? I believe that Jesus's birth, death, and resurrection are strong enough to help anyone and I believe that it was given for anyone who wants to receive Him... not just those we feel like to talking to... not just those who don't have "major" sins... not just to those who dress like me. If I avoid those people, talk bad about them, or openly say that they are horrible people - then how do I expect them to see Jesus in me? Am I showing them love or am I drawing a line that turns into a stumbling block for them?
Here's what touched me more....
This is the reaction to the signs and shirts by a parade participant. I literally cried. He embraced them AND their apology. I promise you that this act of love by these Chicago based Christians will go miles farther in helping this young man through life than the hate and condemnation that people want to throw his way. These Christians weren't saying, "I support your action." They were saying, "We are sorry for being judgmental and not reaching out to you. I am going to love you as a person & soul God made."
Matt and I are close to many people who live homosexual lives. They are some amazing people just like some of the people who fill the church pews on Sunday mornings. I believe they each know that we don't support a homosexual lifestyle, but I also believe that they each know how much we love them. We can't show hatred to them. We can't because if we did, we would be forfeiting any progress anyone has made in their lives toward showing the love of Jesus. I can't walk around with that on my hands.
It doesn't start or stop with homosexuals. I have seen too many lines draw between Christians and the homeless, the drug addict, etc. It is painful to see. We are teaching people that Christians think they are too good to reach OUT (notice I didn't say down) to help or love everyone in the human race... just like Jesus did and does.
Here's a great story:
We have a friend who was a meth addict and involved in an abusive relationship. I tried all throughout our lives to live a good life in front of her and to love her no matter what (as did my parents). I tried to be transparent with her so that she could see I wasn't perfect but I was trying. After finding out she was pregnant 5 years ago, she walked away from meth and the relationship. She has raised her child away from that situation. Then recently, she called me after church one Sunday morning and told me that she gave her life to God. She went on to thank me & my family for always showing her that God loved her. It wasn't anything special we did... it was just us letting God shine through to her no matter how poor she looked... no matter how drugged or beat up she looked. We tried to keep the lines down and God was able to use that in her life. She said that she didn't have to doubt that God could take care of her because we had shown her that.
Wouldn't you much rather hear this from someone than to hear that they are just too judgmental down at ______ church? I just want to encourage everyone (Christian or not) to love people. To show that love no matter how someone looks or acts. It doesn't mean that we participate in what they are doing, it just means that we show Jesus to them.
I love lyrics & poetry so much so I use it often to help enforce to myself what God is teaching me. Maybe it will help you remember this lesson as well. Read these lyrics by Casting Crowns:
These are sobering lyrics aren't they?
"Let our hearts be led by mercy." Mercy means to be kind and forgiving. Are you being that way in your life toward others? This is a challenge I am facing in my life... I want you to challenge yourself to the same thing. Are you showing love, mercy... JESUS to this hurting world? Christians, are you even showing it to others who sit in the same pew as you each week? Can you cross over the lines to help someone see Jesus? Can you challenge yourself to be a stepping stone and not a stumbling block in someone's path to a better life, better walk, or even to the Savior? Let us not be the ones keeping people from coming to God.
Lately I have thought, how much do Christians as a whole have to do with the fact that we are sometimes expected to be "perfect" by others? I've heard it said, "You teach people how to treat you." Have we taught them to treat us as "high and mighty", better than the world we are charged to share Jesus with? Have we given any thought to how our "lines" have separated us from the very ones Jesus himself was around and teaching during His life? Have we gotten so "holy" that we can't reach out to a hurting person even if they don't look or act like us?
I have heard of church services lately, where homosexuals were attacked instead of loved from behind the pulpit. I won't stand around with my head in the sand pretending that "Christians" are doing their best to help others and everything is fine. The reality is that there is a lot of work that needs to be done among Christians and the entire human race, for that matter, concerning our lack of love one for another.
Just when I was feeling the most pain for how this group I was associated with (Christians) was treating people, I saw this post on a friend's Facebook that shared a link titled, "21 Pictures that will Restore Your Faith in Humanity." I was drawn to it, first, because I obviously love images. But upon scrolling through the link, I was drawn to the challenge it presented me. This is the first image I saw:
A group of Christians from Chicago went to a gay pride parade just to say that they were sorry. Here's where I'm going to lose some of you and that's alright. Why was this so TOUCHING? Because it was a group of Christians being REAL with people... admitting that they aren't perfect.
We aren't going to get anywhere in our quest to have people come to God if we are judgmental and show hate to people. I can disagree with someone, but I just can't belittle the value of their soul and the person behind the action. I just can not do it. If Jesus could come here for me and all that I have done, then how can I tell someone because they did "________" (fill in the blank), that I don't believe He can save them? But isn't that what our actions sometimes tell people? I believe that Jesus's birth, death, and resurrection are strong enough to help anyone and I believe that it was given for anyone who wants to receive Him... not just those we feel like to talking to... not just those who don't have "major" sins... not just to those who dress like me. If I avoid those people, talk bad about them, or openly say that they are horrible people - then how do I expect them to see Jesus in me? Am I showing them love or am I drawing a line that turns into a stumbling block for them?
Here's what touched me more....
This is the reaction to the signs and shirts by a parade participant. I literally cried. He embraced them AND their apology. I promise you that this act of love by these Chicago based Christians will go miles farther in helping this young man through life than the hate and condemnation that people want to throw his way. These Christians weren't saying, "I support your action." They were saying, "We are sorry for being judgmental and not reaching out to you. I am going to love you as a person & soul God made."
Matt and I are close to many people who live homosexual lives. They are some amazing people just like some of the people who fill the church pews on Sunday mornings. I believe they each know that we don't support a homosexual lifestyle, but I also believe that they each know how much we love them. We can't show hatred to them. We can't because if we did, we would be forfeiting any progress anyone has made in their lives toward showing the love of Jesus. I can't walk around with that on my hands.
It doesn't start or stop with homosexuals. I have seen too many lines draw between Christians and the homeless, the drug addict, etc. It is painful to see. We are teaching people that Christians think they are too good to reach OUT (notice I didn't say down) to help or love everyone in the human race... just like Jesus did and does.
Here's a great story:
We have a friend who was a meth addict and involved in an abusive relationship. I tried all throughout our lives to live a good life in front of her and to love her no matter what (as did my parents). I tried to be transparent with her so that she could see I wasn't perfect but I was trying. After finding out she was pregnant 5 years ago, she walked away from meth and the relationship. She has raised her child away from that situation. Then recently, she called me after church one Sunday morning and told me that she gave her life to God. She went on to thank me & my family for always showing her that God loved her. It wasn't anything special we did... it was just us letting God shine through to her no matter how poor she looked... no matter how drugged or beat up she looked. We tried to keep the lines down and God was able to use that in her life. She said that she didn't have to doubt that God could take care of her because we had shown her that.
Wouldn't you much rather hear this from someone than to hear that they are just too judgmental down at ______ church? I just want to encourage everyone (Christian or not) to love people. To show that love no matter how someone looks or acts. It doesn't mean that we participate in what they are doing, it just means that we show Jesus to them.
I love lyrics & poetry so much so I use it often to help enforce to myself what God is teaching me. Maybe it will help you remember this lesson as well. Read these lyrics by Casting Crowns:
Jesus, friend of sinners, we have strayed so far away
We cut down people in your name but the sword was never ours to swing
Jesus, friend of sinners, the truth's become so hard to see
The world is on their way to You but they're tripping over me
Always looking around but never looking up I'm so double minded
A plank eyed saint with dirty hands and a heart divided
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours
Yeah...
Jesus, friend of sinners, the one who's writing in the sand
Made the righteous turn away and the stones fall from their hands
Help us to remember we are all the least of these
Let the memory of Your mercy bring Your people to their knees
Nobody knows what we're for only what we're against when we judge the wounded
What if we put down our signs crossed over the lines and loved like You did
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours
You love every lost cause; you reach for the outcast
For the leper and the lame; they're the reason that You came
Lord I was that lost cause and I was the outcast
But you died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your feet
'Cause You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks Yours
And I was the lost cause and I was the outcast
Yeah...
You died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your feet
We cut down people in your name but the sword was never ours to swing
Jesus, friend of sinners, the truth's become so hard to see
The world is on their way to You but they're tripping over me
Always looking around but never looking up I'm so double minded
A plank eyed saint with dirty hands and a heart divided
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours
Yeah...
Jesus, friend of sinners, the one who's writing in the sand
Made the righteous turn away and the stones fall from their hands
Help us to remember we are all the least of these
Let the memory of Your mercy bring Your people to their knees
Nobody knows what we're for only what we're against when we judge the wounded
What if we put down our signs crossed over the lines and loved like You did
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours
You love every lost cause; you reach for the outcast
For the leper and the lame; they're the reason that You came
Lord I was that lost cause and I was the outcast
But you died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your feet
'Cause You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks Yours
And I was the lost cause and I was the outcast
Yeah...
You died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your feet
"Let our hearts be led by mercy." Mercy means to be kind and forgiving. Are you being that way in your life toward others? This is a challenge I am facing in my life... I want you to challenge yourself to the same thing. Are you showing love, mercy... JESUS to this hurting world? Christians, are you even showing it to others who sit in the same pew as you each week? Can you cross over the lines to help someone see Jesus? Can you challenge yourself to be a stepping stone and not a stumbling block in someone's path to a better life, better walk, or even to the Savior? Let us not be the ones keeping people from coming to God.
Jul 9, 2012
Take the Limits Off....
It's been a very long time since I wrote anything. Lately, I have felt God calling me towards many things, but just about everyday, I feel Him drawing me back to writing. So, here I am. I just sat and read my past posts. I thought about deleting them and starting fresh because I'm not really at the same place in my life now as I was when I wrote the previous posts. Then I realized that someone out there is where I once was and they may need what God said through me then.
As I was reading, I came to this post:
Preparing for the Blessings!
I STILL love what I wrote in this post. It is applicable to my life even now. In fact, it helped me as I was reading it again. It also encouraged me as I realized that God had helped much of what we were preparing for to come to pass.
Today, Matt & I went to our friends' church for a morning service, One Life Church. The minister was sharing about why we want more. He went through a great description of what happened in the beginning when God created the earth and eventually humans. Basically, we want more because we are made in the image of a God who is a God of more. We have to want more of the right things in our life. I think I kind of stopped listening (oh no! yes, I admit it... BUT I admit I stopped listening to LISTEN to God), at the point that the minister said that we want to ask, "Didn't Adam & Eve know that God was everything they needed, that He was their best friend?" It's true, we want to sit here on our "we're so intelligent chair" and get onto Adam and Eve for their mistake and for not obeying God. Let's be honest, we KNOW that God is everything we need and that He is our best friend, but how many times do we try to figure it all out for God and tell HIM how to make it happen for us. But aren't we just putting God in a box by doing that?
So, after lunch with those friends, we went to Starbucks to continue our conversation. While waiting for our coffee, I took a glance at facebook on my phone. I came across a status update by a friend that said, "12 weeks today! I guess that means it's time to tell Facebook land that WE'RE HAVIN' A BABY!! Yep. Adopt two kids, lose 65 pounds, downsize your car, and get pregnant. Haha! I guess God just knew we needed the boys 1st and I needed to be healthier anyway. We're still a little in shock, but I like surprises, so it's ok. :)" What you don't know by just reading her status, is that this friend tried to have her own children but then walked into a calling meant for a special group of people. Her and her husband became foster parents and, eventually, were blessed to adopt two amazing boys. I was thrilled when I read this and had to take time to thank God for this blessing.
Fast forward a little to church this evening at Courts of Praise Church. God spoke to me about the limitations I put on God just by telling Him how to make things happen for me. How much am I limiting God by telling Him how to get me to where I know he wants me to be? What if my friend had limited God in how she could become a parent? She would have missed out on two amazing sons. I don't want to limit God anymore with my ideas and the solutions that I have worked out for Him to use.
I encourage you to stop limiting God, stop trying to make a way for God and let Him be the one to make a way. Don't you know that He is your best friend and He is all you need? He will get you to where He wants you to be in His own way if you let Him... in the meantime, He will have you on a journey that might pour out way more blessing into your life than "your way" would have provided. Trust that He is all you need and that He is your best friend.
This all reminded me of one of my favorite songs by Israel Houghton. The song says....
I'm not a man
I cannot lie
I know the plans for your life
I'm asking you to dream again
To believe again and take the limits off of Me
I'm not a man
I cannot lie
I know the plans
They're My design
I'm asking you to hope again
And trust again and take the limits off of Me
All I'm asking is take the limits off
Take the limits off
Release Me to accomplish what I promised to do
Take the limits off
Take the limits off,....
No limits, no boundaries
I see increase all around me
Stretch forth, break forth
Release me...enlarge my territory.
I encourage you to take the limits off of God. He knows the plan, you are His design, and He wants you to dream again of possibilities instead thinking of solutions. There is a big difference. One is an end or resolve, but to dream is to see no limitations and to have something to aspire to. Trust God and let Him accomplish what He promised He would in your life. I know that right now you might be thinking of the very thing you know He promised you... I am. Just know that He can't lie. If He said it, then He will do it. Just stop limiting how & when He does it and just enjoy where He takes you while you are on your journey to the promise.
As I was reading, I came to this post:
Preparing for the Blessings!
I STILL love what I wrote in this post. It is applicable to my life even now. In fact, it helped me as I was reading it again. It also encouraged me as I realized that God had helped much of what we were preparing for to come to pass.
Today, Matt & I went to our friends' church for a morning service, One Life Church. The minister was sharing about why we want more. He went through a great description of what happened in the beginning when God created the earth and eventually humans. Basically, we want more because we are made in the image of a God who is a God of more. We have to want more of the right things in our life. I think I kind of stopped listening (oh no! yes, I admit it... BUT I admit I stopped listening to LISTEN to God), at the point that the minister said that we want to ask, "Didn't Adam & Eve know that God was everything they needed, that He was their best friend?" It's true, we want to sit here on our "we're so intelligent chair" and get onto Adam and Eve for their mistake and for not obeying God. Let's be honest, we KNOW that God is everything we need and that He is our best friend, but how many times do we try to figure it all out for God and tell HIM how to make it happen for us. But aren't we just putting God in a box by doing that?
So, after lunch with those friends, we went to Starbucks to continue our conversation. While waiting for our coffee, I took a glance at facebook on my phone. I came across a status update by a friend that said, "12 weeks today! I guess that means it's time to tell Facebook land that WE'RE HAVIN' A BABY!! Yep. Adopt two kids, lose 65 pounds, downsize your car, and get pregnant. Haha! I guess God just knew we needed the boys 1st and I needed to be healthier anyway. We're still a little in shock, but I like surprises, so it's ok. :)" What you don't know by just reading her status, is that this friend tried to have her own children but then walked into a calling meant for a special group of people. Her and her husband became foster parents and, eventually, were blessed to adopt two amazing boys. I was thrilled when I read this and had to take time to thank God for this blessing.
Fast forward a little to church this evening at Courts of Praise Church. God spoke to me about the limitations I put on God just by telling Him how to make things happen for me. How much am I limiting God by telling Him how to get me to where I know he wants me to be? What if my friend had limited God in how she could become a parent? She would have missed out on two amazing sons. I don't want to limit God anymore with my ideas and the solutions that I have worked out for Him to use.
I encourage you to stop limiting God, stop trying to make a way for God and let Him be the one to make a way. Don't you know that He is your best friend and He is all you need? He will get you to where He wants you to be in His own way if you let Him... in the meantime, He will have you on a journey that might pour out way more blessing into your life than "your way" would have provided. Trust that He is all you need and that He is your best friend.
This all reminded me of one of my favorite songs by Israel Houghton. The song says....
I'm not a man
I cannot lie
I know the plans for your life
I'm asking you to dream again
To believe again and take the limits off of Me
I'm not a man
I cannot lie
I know the plans
They're My design
I'm asking you to hope again
And trust again and take the limits off of Me
All I'm asking is take the limits off
Take the limits off
Release Me to accomplish what I promised to do
Take the limits off
Take the limits off,....
No limits, no boundaries
I see increase all around me
Stretch forth, break forth
Release me...enlarge my territory.
I encourage you to take the limits off of God. He knows the plan, you are His design, and He wants you to dream again of possibilities instead thinking of solutions. There is a big difference. One is an end or resolve, but to dream is to see no limitations and to have something to aspire to. Trust God and let Him accomplish what He promised He would in your life. I know that right now you might be thinking of the very thing you know He promised you... I am. Just know that He can't lie. If He said it, then He will do it. Just stop limiting how & when He does it and just enjoy where He takes you while you are on your journey to the promise.
May 25, 2011
Realizations
Wow! It's been awhile since I last blogged. I have made a lot of changes in my life that have been God directed and prayerfully entered into. I began by dealing with the constant stress I felt in my life that made me feel rushed and as if I wasn't really listening to anyone... especially my children. It came to a head when my oldest said, "Mommy, I miss you." Yet she hadn't been apart from me other than school. I realized that I was spending a lot of time working... but then I got really honest with myself and realized how much time I wasted helping other people that seemed to only be manipulating me to do such for their own benefit. I love to help people, but God has taught me that I need to protect my family first and foremost. When you help someone that genuinely needs it and because God has directed you do so, you feel joy... not as if you have just been robbed of your joy. I began a conversation with God about what should find its way out of my life. First, those who spitefully use me... people who prided themselves in not being someone who hurt others or used people turned out to be just that. I look back and realize how little I got from some relationships and it hurts. Not that I should seek benefit from others, but that relationships should be about giving a little on both sides in the hopes of helping each other along the way. I poured so much of myself into some others and so little into my family. The decision to get that out of my life seemed easy, but when you are someone who never wants to hurt others, it took some warming up to the idea before I took action. Again, God took time to make it evident to me that I was doing right by bringing more and more issues to the mirror for me concerning those who didn't have my best interest at heart... those who claimed love but yet didn't even realize what I was or wasn't capable of doing in our relationships. It always hurts to find out that someone could believe the worse about you without even giving it a second thought... To someone like me that hurts the confidence. I believed that if someone could think that about me, then I must really be an awful person. Praise God for an awesome husband, great friend, amazing mother, and patient God! I realized that I am not the worse that some people choose to believe about me and I should NEVER take something like that and own it... it should be thrown out as soon as it falls on my ears.
Since the beginning of this particular journey with God, I have spent so much more time helping my family grow in God. I have given up significant time on the phone each day. My daughter now hears me talk to her when I pick her up in the afternoon instead of hearing the tail end of a conversation with someone else on the phone. I now give myself a little more time to edit my photographs for clients. I still pretty much get them done in the same amount of time, but if my girls want to go have a picnic in the front yard, we do so without me stressing about deadlines. Now I have date nights on the couch watching a favorite TV show or movie with my hubby as opposed to trying to catch up on work because I was too preoccupied during the day to get my edits done for that day. I am working on a daily schedule which is constantly changing due to new activities and school being out. We want to be able to allow me time raising our children, but still run this awesome business that God blessed me with.
God has really blessed me with amazing children who love me despite my faults and despite my struggles. The past two years, I have taken my eyes off of who really matters... my eyes are now directed toward my family and the kingdom of God. I don't pretend to be perfect on this blog. I try to stay very transparent. And I believe if we were all honest, we would see how we have used people for our own gain. I also believe that if we evaluated how much time we spend really listening to our children, we would be in shock. Time yourself one day... just the times you are totally engaged with your child with no distractions. Unless you are super mom or have been through what God has been teaching me lately, I would say that number is small. It is a total shame. I cried for such a long time when this came to me... thank you God that stuff is out of my life that caused me to put my home last. I still have a way to go and a lot of things to weed out of my life, but I feel like each day I get to take deeper and deeper breaths. My stress level has dropped. I am off of anxiety meds. My TMJ issues are a lot less bothersome. I had a lot of people try to offer me advice while I dealt with a lot of events the past two years. None of them compared to what I knew would be best... God holding my hand as he walked me through my life. It was as if He was allowing me to look down on myself and see the big picture of what was happening at little moments in my life. And I have realized what things have stressed me. I have realized that people are cruel. I have realized that people gossip. I have realized that people manipulate. I have realized that it's alright to let go.... but... I have realized that their are some people who love me. I have realized that a sweet comment from a friend hours away can make my day because I know they truly mean it and have no ulterior motive. I have realized who cares. I have realized that 20 minutes with my girls is better than any one hour conversation with someone. I have realized that laughing with my husband can make a smile stay for hours. I have realized who really needs my help and where God wants to me to focus my gifts. I have realized that God is by far the best father, protector, provider, and friend I will ever have. He is my everything and I am His. We are on an amazing journey together... raising a family, being a wife, loving my job, and serving His kingdom. He is SO good to me!
Since the beginning of this particular journey with God, I have spent so much more time helping my family grow in God. I have given up significant time on the phone each day. My daughter now hears me talk to her when I pick her up in the afternoon instead of hearing the tail end of a conversation with someone else on the phone. I now give myself a little more time to edit my photographs for clients. I still pretty much get them done in the same amount of time, but if my girls want to go have a picnic in the front yard, we do so without me stressing about deadlines. Now I have date nights on the couch watching a favorite TV show or movie with my hubby as opposed to trying to catch up on work because I was too preoccupied during the day to get my edits done for that day. I am working on a daily schedule which is constantly changing due to new activities and school being out. We want to be able to allow me time raising our children, but still run this awesome business that God blessed me with.
God has really blessed me with amazing children who love me despite my faults and despite my struggles. The past two years, I have taken my eyes off of who really matters... my eyes are now directed toward my family and the kingdom of God. I don't pretend to be perfect on this blog. I try to stay very transparent. And I believe if we were all honest, we would see how we have used people for our own gain. I also believe that if we evaluated how much time we spend really listening to our children, we would be in shock. Time yourself one day... just the times you are totally engaged with your child with no distractions. Unless you are super mom or have been through what God has been teaching me lately, I would say that number is small. It is a total shame. I cried for such a long time when this came to me... thank you God that stuff is out of my life that caused me to put my home last. I still have a way to go and a lot of things to weed out of my life, but I feel like each day I get to take deeper and deeper breaths. My stress level has dropped. I am off of anxiety meds. My TMJ issues are a lot less bothersome. I had a lot of people try to offer me advice while I dealt with a lot of events the past two years. None of them compared to what I knew would be best... God holding my hand as he walked me through my life. It was as if He was allowing me to look down on myself and see the big picture of what was happening at little moments in my life. And I have realized what things have stressed me. I have realized that people are cruel. I have realized that people gossip. I have realized that people manipulate. I have realized that it's alright to let go.... but... I have realized that their are some people who love me. I have realized that a sweet comment from a friend hours away can make my day because I know they truly mean it and have no ulterior motive. I have realized who cares. I have realized that 20 minutes with my girls is better than any one hour conversation with someone. I have realized that laughing with my husband can make a smile stay for hours. I have realized who really needs my help and where God wants to me to focus my gifts. I have realized that God is by far the best father, protector, provider, and friend I will ever have. He is my everything and I am His. We are on an amazing journey together... raising a family, being a wife, loving my job, and serving His kingdom. He is SO good to me!
Mar 29, 2011
Behold, I am here, Lord.
In high school and college, I would tear through my Bible with wild abandonment.... I had the time, I had the passion. Jesus was my best friend! I had VERY few people that I could call a real friend and honestly spent most of high school hanging out with adults. But today, I praise God for something that most people wouldn't.... I praise God that I had very few friends, that I had the time... and that I poured myself into reading His word. BECAUSE, here I sit today, busy as can be. Two amazing children to raise, a wonderful husband to spend life with, a business to run, a home to take care of, bills to pay, family members to take care of, etc. I sat in church on Sunday and thought about how little time I get to spend tearing through my Bible with wild abandonment, taking it all in. And when I did, I thought of scripture that God made my motto all through high school and college. "...Behold, I am here, Lord." - Acts 9:10
What stuck out to me then was that Ananias went to lay hands on Saul even though he was afraid of what Saul could do to him. I was impressed that he laid aside his fear and ran to do the work of the Lord. As you can imagine, I was probably a lot more timid than I am now. I had a hard time standing up for myself, let alone standing up for God to someone who could choose to kill me. Ananias was a super hero to me.
But what sticks out to me today with all these responsibilities surrounding me is that as soon as God said his name, Ananias's immediate response was, "Behold, I am here, Lord." He didn't say, "Hold that thought while I get this email out!" or "Hang on, I gotta go get groceries." He simply said, without hesitation, "Behold, I am here, Lord." HERE I AM!!!! What do you need? Yes, he hesitated a little when the job description was given, but he was still at God's beckoning call.
Today, Ananias is my super hero for another reason. He is reminding me that my answer should always be, "Behold, I am here, Lord." Ananias could have simply ignored God. But instead he chose greatness. He chose to hear God, to follow God, to put Him first above all other things. He chose to change history with His main man, God. Ananias chose to go to Saul and lay hands on him so that he could receive his sight. So basically, Ananias was God's front man to helping the start-up of Paul's ministry. How many times have we put God off until he has chosen another vessel to help achieve amazing things?
I'm taking this to heart. I say it all the time, "God, family......" But too often it's God that is last. I want to be a part of the awesomeness that God is! I want to tear through his word hearing from Him. I want to be the one that God can call on to get things done when he wants, not when there's time.
"Behold, I am here, Lord."
What stuck out to me then was that Ananias went to lay hands on Saul even though he was afraid of what Saul could do to him. I was impressed that he laid aside his fear and ran to do the work of the Lord. As you can imagine, I was probably a lot more timid than I am now. I had a hard time standing up for myself, let alone standing up for God to someone who could choose to kill me. Ananias was a super hero to me.
But what sticks out to me today with all these responsibilities surrounding me is that as soon as God said his name, Ananias's immediate response was, "Behold, I am here, Lord." He didn't say, "Hold that thought while I get this email out!" or "Hang on, I gotta go get groceries." He simply said, without hesitation, "Behold, I am here, Lord." HERE I AM!!!! What do you need? Yes, he hesitated a little when the job description was given, but he was still at God's beckoning call.
Today, Ananias is my super hero for another reason. He is reminding me that my answer should always be, "Behold, I am here, Lord." Ananias could have simply ignored God. But instead he chose greatness. He chose to hear God, to follow God, to put Him first above all other things. He chose to change history with His main man, God. Ananias chose to go to Saul and lay hands on him so that he could receive his sight. So basically, Ananias was God's front man to helping the start-up of Paul's ministry. How many times have we put God off until he has chosen another vessel to help achieve amazing things?
I'm taking this to heart. I say it all the time, "God, family......" But too often it's God that is last. I want to be a part of the awesomeness that God is! I want to tear through his word hearing from Him. I want to be the one that God can call on to get things done when he wants, not when there's time.
"Behold, I am here, Lord."
Mar 7, 2011
What a Day!
I learned a lot today.
(I write this not for advice or solutions, but to let it out - to process what I learned today in hopes it might help one of you by my being transparent.)
It was an absolutely frustrating day from the very beginning... I'm talking like 2am. It just continued throughout the day. I'm so frustrated with myself. I'm frustrated with some of my choices. I'm frustrated with my lack of faith. I'm frustrated to think that I have been scared to death to lose friends so easily like I have in the past. (But praise God, the friendships in my life that matter are God given right now and aren't going anywhere.... I learned that today!) I'm frustrated with what is going on with Reagan's little tummy. I am frustrated that my grandmother has to deal with the things she does as she grieves. I am frustrated that my daddy has to deal with what he does. I am frustrated that my husband works everyday so hard and we still struggle... and the gas prices don't help... So I'm frustrated with gas prices, too! I am frustrated with my business plan. I am frustrated with my inability to be able to get down and play with my children more often. I am frustrated with the state of my home right now... it doesn't know what it was like when it was clean all the time. I'm frustrated that I can't help people like I want to. And so much more....
And, honestly, I laid on the couch and moped for a long time today. And then God does what He does so well, and started opening doors for me. I got three phone calls today and some emails. Booked some great stuff and quoted some others. I had a nice heart to heart with a friend. I had a nice heart to heart with my husband. And sitting on the verge of climbing my mountain to get out of this valley, I realize a lot...
I realize that I'm blessed to have been able to make some of the choices I have been able to make - like stay at home to raise my kids even though it wasn't easy! I realize I have faith, I'm just vulnerable right now and I'm fighting the enemy... which then made me realize that God must think I'm something or I wouldn't have so much to fight against. I realized that God placed some amazing people and family in my life. I realized that even though Reagan has tummy problems, I have two sweet baby girls that God gave me to love. I realized that my grandmother and our entire family was blessed to have had this man, Paddy Paw to love. I realize that my daddy is so patient and lets God radiate to others like I have never even come close to doing. I realized I am blessed to have a husband who does work hard everyday to provide for us. I realized that I am blessed to have a business doing what I love no matter how profitable it is or isn't, it's what I love. I realized today that this reality check got me thinking and I went outside and played hide-n-seek with my girls... I realized I have some great kids that I should spend more time playing with than trying to provide for sometimes. I realized that I am blessed, so blessed, to have a house to get dirty! I realized because of some amazing people's words, that I do help people more than I realize.
My plan for tomorrow is to hold my head up high and praise God! “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:18 KJV No matter how bad I see it as being... my God has my back. I don't know how it will work out, but He always makes it work out... even when I feel alone. Tomorrow I will praise God! Tomorrow I will put into action my faith. Tomorrow I will be grateful for what I do have. Tomorrow I will have hope for a better future.
But my plan for tonight is to breath in the love of God that surrounds me. To love Him. To seek Him. My plan for tonight is to let Him hug me all night as I sleep. My plan for tonight is let God heal my hurting heart. To let God grab my hand and pull me out of this funk I have been in since this fall. My plan is to let myself grieve a little tonight - to cry if I need to. I have far more to be thankful for than I have want of. I have a grandfather in Heaven with Jesus and a great group of family and friends surrounding me here on earth. Thank you God for your love for me even when I feel so inadequate and when I have pity parties. Thank you for helping me realize that I have been missing out on life lately. That the joys you have put in front of me, I have missed because I have been hurting so badly.
God taught me a lot today. I don't ever want to forget it! My life is in His hands... I have to let go of what I think I can fix on my own and hold tight to the one who can fix everything... He saved my soul from condemnation.
Rom 15:13 (Phi) "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in your faith, that by the power of the Holy Spirit, your whole life and outlook may be radiant with hope."
(I write this not for advice or solutions, but to let it out - to process what I learned today in hopes it might help one of you by my being transparent.)
It was an absolutely frustrating day from the very beginning... I'm talking like 2am. It just continued throughout the day. I'm so frustrated with myself. I'm frustrated with some of my choices. I'm frustrated with my lack of faith. I'm frustrated to think that I have been scared to death to lose friends so easily like I have in the past. (But praise God, the friendships in my life that matter are God given right now and aren't going anywhere.... I learned that today!) I'm frustrated with what is going on with Reagan's little tummy. I am frustrated that my grandmother has to deal with the things she does as she grieves. I am frustrated that my daddy has to deal with what he does. I am frustrated that my husband works everyday so hard and we still struggle... and the gas prices don't help... So I'm frustrated with gas prices, too! I am frustrated with my business plan. I am frustrated with my inability to be able to get down and play with my children more often. I am frustrated with the state of my home right now... it doesn't know what it was like when it was clean all the time. I'm frustrated that I can't help people like I want to. And so much more....
And, honestly, I laid on the couch and moped for a long time today. And then God does what He does so well, and started opening doors for me. I got three phone calls today and some emails. Booked some great stuff and quoted some others. I had a nice heart to heart with a friend. I had a nice heart to heart with my husband. And sitting on the verge of climbing my mountain to get out of this valley, I realize a lot...
I realize that I'm blessed to have been able to make some of the choices I have been able to make - like stay at home to raise my kids even though it wasn't easy! I realize I have faith, I'm just vulnerable right now and I'm fighting the enemy... which then made me realize that God must think I'm something or I wouldn't have so much to fight against. I realized that God placed some amazing people and family in my life. I realized that even though Reagan has tummy problems, I have two sweet baby girls that God gave me to love. I realized that my grandmother and our entire family was blessed to have had this man, Paddy Paw to love. I realize that my daddy is so patient and lets God radiate to others like I have never even come close to doing. I realized I am blessed to have a husband who does work hard everyday to provide for us. I realized that I am blessed to have a business doing what I love no matter how profitable it is or isn't, it's what I love. I realized today that this reality check got me thinking and I went outside and played hide-n-seek with my girls... I realized I have some great kids that I should spend more time playing with than trying to provide for sometimes. I realized that I am blessed, so blessed, to have a house to get dirty! I realized because of some amazing people's words, that I do help people more than I realize.
My plan for tomorrow is to hold my head up high and praise God! “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:18 KJV No matter how bad I see it as being... my God has my back. I don't know how it will work out, but He always makes it work out... even when I feel alone. Tomorrow I will praise God! Tomorrow I will put into action my faith. Tomorrow I will be grateful for what I do have. Tomorrow I will have hope for a better future.
But my plan for tonight is to breath in the love of God that surrounds me. To love Him. To seek Him. My plan for tonight is to let Him hug me all night as I sleep. My plan for tonight is let God heal my hurting heart. To let God grab my hand and pull me out of this funk I have been in since this fall. My plan is to let myself grieve a little tonight - to cry if I need to. I have far more to be thankful for than I have want of. I have a grandfather in Heaven with Jesus and a great group of family and friends surrounding me here on earth. Thank you God for your love for me even when I feel so inadequate and when I have pity parties. Thank you for helping me realize that I have been missing out on life lately. That the joys you have put in front of me, I have missed because I have been hurting so badly.
God taught me a lot today. I don't ever want to forget it! My life is in His hands... I have to let go of what I think I can fix on my own and hold tight to the one who can fix everything... He saved my soul from condemnation.
Rom 15:13 (Phi) "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in your faith, that by the power of the Holy Spirit, your whole life and outlook may be radiant with hope."
Feb 22, 2011
My Problems....so little....
I've been meaning to blog lately about all the feelings and frustrations I have been having. And I'm still going to, I'm just hoping to make myself realize how truly blessed I am... to make you realize how blessed you are.
Ok, I have only a few people who I tell all my problems to... and honestly, they don't hear as much as God does. Here is what I have been facing... (Promise I need no pity party, just need to make these points to get to my next one...which is good!)
1- Feeling worthless. I have put way to much emphasis on my successes equaling my self worth. Just because I don't book this week doesn't mean I am worth nothing. I can honestly say that I have learned this week that it just means God thinks I am worth a lot and has my back. Sessions during some weeks would be something else for sure! Just because I don't get everything on my list accomplished each day doesn't mean I failed. Sometimes it means that I deemed holding my baby girls in my arms as more important than processing pictures. That is not failing... that is grabbing all the precious moments I possibly can with my girls before they are all grown... that is success. I tell myself each day that I am a princess of the Most High God. I AM WORTHY!
2- I recently went out of my comfort zone and emailed/talked to several who have called on me from time to time to lay out business goals, give nothing short of photography and editing lessons, and so much more. I decide to no longer mentor anyone. Why? Well, it goes against my good nature. I want to help everyone and I LOVE teaching this business. But when it started to be painful and actually hinder my own business I stood up for myself. Was this decision easy? No. Did it hurt people's feelings? Probably. Did I feel better? No. Not when I did it, but I know my stress will be lower and I will no longer feel used when I see my ideas used immediately after I just used them... or even better, I will feel so much better knowing that people are going to have to learn the real art and business of photography on their own. I hate when people call themselves a photographer but refuse to learn the skills and technology needed to be a "true" photographer. It makes me feel as if I am helping my fellow photogs and the reputation I have noticed us having lately. What is that reputation? Well, when people ask my occupation, I get responses like "Ain't everybody in Tennessee a photographer?" Makes me furious! Do they know how many, many hours I have put into learning over the past 7+ years? When my kids go to bed, I learn. This is serious to me and I just don't think I can take pictures because I have a halfway nice camera. I am putting my foot down. You really have to impress me for me to give you advice now days. And guess what I don't stress about people using me in that way anymore. Ahhh... deep breath taken.
3- Feeling deadlines breathing down my neck... makes me shiver. I hate being late and I have been doing a lot of it lately. I think that God is trying to continue His lesson that I am not in control. I'm learning God... slowly, but I am learning!
4- Stress! I think based on the previous 3, it goes without saying that I am stressed. But here's something very few know about. I have struggled with anxiety and stress and panic probably my whole life, but it's been documented for the past 11 years. I take a mild dosage of anti-anxiety medication for generalized anxiety disorder. Do I think that this means I am going to hell or that I don't have enough faith? No. In fact, I have been in a few church services in my days in which some of the very ministers who may read this blog have said things like, "You don't need some drug to make your mind right. You just need Jesus." I agree I just need Jesus. But Jesus gave doctors wisdom for a reason. Does this mean I haven't prayed for a healing? No. I have prayed and do pray, but for now I know that it is me who has to have a drug in order to not have a panic attack each day. So, the next time you criticise someone who takes it, THINK! My disorder isn't because of what someone did in my childhood or something evil I did. I have a medically proven imbalance of serotonin in my brain. All in all the stress is getting me right now. But God is opening my eyes to ways to handle it better. Making me appreciate the blessing of a chest that breaths easy and a mind that doesn't race even more than if I just had an instant healing. Has this been easy? No. But I realize why God is taking me through it and I know what Satan is fighting me more and more... because I am getting closer to the realizations that God has for my life.
5 - TMJ just... well, sucks for lack of better word. Obviuosly somewhat related to the above mentioned stress. EVERYDAY I live with ringing in my ears and pain in my ears and face. Some days I have horrible headaches just like migraines just minus the vomitting. It is a horrible thing to live with. I am struggling to find doctors to help with this. My chriopractor has worked wonders though... LOVE you Dr. Holt.
6 - Am I a good Mommy? I will never be what I think I should be. I want to just be half as good as my mother was. I don't have much to say on this because I have just accepted that I will most always have this question in my head... I think it means I AM a good Mommy that I care enough to ask that question and evaluate myself for my children's sake.
7 - A variety of other things... Aging grandparents, missing grandparents, running a business, finding time for God (I hate that term, but I must get better at it really), listening to friends, etc.
Ok, to the real point that I wanted to make... I thought of all these things and so much more lately that I wanted to blog about. I don't know if I thought that laying it all out there for the world would make me feel better or what. But this morning I woke up to a mess. Emails, things not done right, and banks closed just made for a rough morning. Then I scrolled down my facebook news feed to see that one of my really good friends had some horrible news. Her daughter is just over a month old and has pnuemonia. She is on a ventilator. She found her blue and limp this morning. My morning didn't start off too bad then did it? I had a reality check. Yes, people are stealing my copyrighted pictures today,... and yes, Reagan pooped a little in her panties... and yes, I couldn't go to the bank... BUT my babies are safe. God you are way too good! I have prayed all day for baby Caroline. And I have thanked God for what Baby Caroline has taught me today. That even on my crummiest day, it is better than someone else's. Put your problems into perspective. Your kids may scream. Your hubby may be working long hours like mine. You may meed to get errands done but stuff just keeps happening. BUT you don't have to be where my friend Marie is right now. I have been there. It's the hardest thing I ever went through in my life. To see your baby so sick. I learned this lesson once and I will learn it many more times. That while my problems are still important and mean something to God, they are still far less important than someone else's.
Ok, I have only a few people who I tell all my problems to... and honestly, they don't hear as much as God does. Here is what I have been facing... (Promise I need no pity party, just need to make these points to get to my next one...which is good!)
1- Feeling worthless. I have put way to much emphasis on my successes equaling my self worth. Just because I don't book this week doesn't mean I am worth nothing. I can honestly say that I have learned this week that it just means God thinks I am worth a lot and has my back. Sessions during some weeks would be something else for sure! Just because I don't get everything on my list accomplished each day doesn't mean I failed. Sometimes it means that I deemed holding my baby girls in my arms as more important than processing pictures. That is not failing... that is grabbing all the precious moments I possibly can with my girls before they are all grown... that is success. I tell myself each day that I am a princess of the Most High God. I AM WORTHY!
2- I recently went out of my comfort zone and emailed/talked to several who have called on me from time to time to lay out business goals, give nothing short of photography and editing lessons, and so much more. I decide to no longer mentor anyone. Why? Well, it goes against my good nature. I want to help everyone and I LOVE teaching this business. But when it started to be painful and actually hinder my own business I stood up for myself. Was this decision easy? No. Did it hurt people's feelings? Probably. Did I feel better? No. Not when I did it, but I know my stress will be lower and I will no longer feel used when I see my ideas used immediately after I just used them... or even better, I will feel so much better knowing that people are going to have to learn the real art and business of photography on their own. I hate when people call themselves a photographer but refuse to learn the skills and technology needed to be a "true" photographer. It makes me feel as if I am helping my fellow photogs and the reputation I have noticed us having lately. What is that reputation? Well, when people ask my occupation, I get responses like "Ain't everybody in Tennessee a photographer?" Makes me furious! Do they know how many, many hours I have put into learning over the past 7+ years? When my kids go to bed, I learn. This is serious to me and I just don't think I can take pictures because I have a halfway nice camera. I am putting my foot down. You really have to impress me for me to give you advice now days. And guess what I don't stress about people using me in that way anymore. Ahhh... deep breath taken.
3- Feeling deadlines breathing down my neck... makes me shiver. I hate being late and I have been doing a lot of it lately. I think that God is trying to continue His lesson that I am not in control. I'm learning God... slowly, but I am learning!
4- Stress! I think based on the previous 3, it goes without saying that I am stressed. But here's something very few know about. I have struggled with anxiety and stress and panic probably my whole life, but it's been documented for the past 11 years. I take a mild dosage of anti-anxiety medication for generalized anxiety disorder. Do I think that this means I am going to hell or that I don't have enough faith? No. In fact, I have been in a few church services in my days in which some of the very ministers who may read this blog have said things like, "You don't need some drug to make your mind right. You just need Jesus." I agree I just need Jesus. But Jesus gave doctors wisdom for a reason. Does this mean I haven't prayed for a healing? No. I have prayed and do pray, but for now I know that it is me who has to have a drug in order to not have a panic attack each day. So, the next time you criticise someone who takes it, THINK! My disorder isn't because of what someone did in my childhood or something evil I did. I have a medically proven imbalance of serotonin in my brain. All in all the stress is getting me right now. But God is opening my eyes to ways to handle it better. Making me appreciate the blessing of a chest that breaths easy and a mind that doesn't race even more than if I just had an instant healing. Has this been easy? No. But I realize why God is taking me through it and I know what Satan is fighting me more and more... because I am getting closer to the realizations that God has for my life.
5 - TMJ just... well, sucks for lack of better word. Obviuosly somewhat related to the above mentioned stress. EVERYDAY I live with ringing in my ears and pain in my ears and face. Some days I have horrible headaches just like migraines just minus the vomitting. It is a horrible thing to live with. I am struggling to find doctors to help with this. My chriopractor has worked wonders though... LOVE you Dr. Holt.
6 - Am I a good Mommy? I will never be what I think I should be. I want to just be half as good as my mother was. I don't have much to say on this because I have just accepted that I will most always have this question in my head... I think it means I AM a good Mommy that I care enough to ask that question and evaluate myself for my children's sake.
7 - A variety of other things... Aging grandparents, missing grandparents, running a business, finding time for God (I hate that term, but I must get better at it really), listening to friends, etc.
Ok, to the real point that I wanted to make... I thought of all these things and so much more lately that I wanted to blog about. I don't know if I thought that laying it all out there for the world would make me feel better or what. But this morning I woke up to a mess. Emails, things not done right, and banks closed just made for a rough morning. Then I scrolled down my facebook news feed to see that one of my really good friends had some horrible news. Her daughter is just over a month old and has pnuemonia. She is on a ventilator. She found her blue and limp this morning. My morning didn't start off too bad then did it? I had a reality check. Yes, people are stealing my copyrighted pictures today,... and yes, Reagan pooped a little in her panties... and yes, I couldn't go to the bank... BUT my babies are safe. God you are way too good! I have prayed all day for baby Caroline. And I have thanked God for what Baby Caroline has taught me today. That even on my crummiest day, it is better than someone else's. Put your problems into perspective. Your kids may scream. Your hubby may be working long hours like mine. You may meed to get errands done but stuff just keeps happening. BUT you don't have to be where my friend Marie is right now. I have been there. It's the hardest thing I ever went through in my life. To see your baby so sick. I learned this lesson once and I will learn it many more times. That while my problems are still important and mean something to God, they are still far less important than someone else's.
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