Wow! It's been awhile since I last blogged. I have made a lot of changes in my life that have been God directed and prayerfully entered into. I began by dealing with the constant stress I felt in my life that made me feel rushed and as if I wasn't really listening to anyone... especially my children. It came to a head when my oldest said, "Mommy, I miss you." Yet she hadn't been apart from me other than school. I realized that I was spending a lot of time working... but then I got really honest with myself and realized how much time I wasted helping other people that seemed to only be manipulating me to do such for their own benefit. I love to help people, but God has taught me that I need to protect my family first and foremost. When you help someone that genuinely needs it and because God has directed you do so, you feel joy... not as if you have just been robbed of your joy. I began a conversation with God about what should find its way out of my life. First, those who spitefully use me... people who prided themselves in not being someone who hurt others or used people turned out to be just that. I look back and realize how little I got from some relationships and it hurts. Not that I should seek benefit from others, but that relationships should be about giving a little on both sides in the hopes of helping each other along the way. I poured so much of myself into some others and so little into my family. The decision to get that out of my life seemed easy, but when you are someone who never wants to hurt others, it took some warming up to the idea before I took action. Again, God took time to make it evident to me that I was doing right by bringing more and more issues to the mirror for me concerning those who didn't have my best interest at heart... those who claimed love but yet didn't even realize what I was or wasn't capable of doing in our relationships. It always hurts to find out that someone could believe the worse about you without even giving it a second thought... To someone like me that hurts the confidence. I believed that if someone could think that about me, then I must really be an awful person. Praise God for an awesome husband, great friend, amazing mother, and patient God! I realized that I am not the worse that some people choose to believe about me and I should NEVER take something like that and own it... it should be thrown out as soon as it falls on my ears.
Since the beginning of this particular journey with God, I have spent so much more time helping my family grow in God. I have given up significant time on the phone each day. My daughter now hears me talk to her when I pick her up in the afternoon instead of hearing the tail end of a conversation with someone else on the phone. I now give myself a little more time to edit my photographs for clients. I still pretty much get them done in the same amount of time, but if my girls want to go have a picnic in the front yard, we do so without me stressing about deadlines. Now I have date nights on the couch watching a favorite TV show or movie with my hubby as opposed to trying to catch up on work because I was too preoccupied during the day to get my edits done for that day. I am working on a daily schedule which is constantly changing due to new activities and school being out. We want to be able to allow me time raising our children, but still run this awesome business that God blessed me with.
God has really blessed me with amazing children who love me despite my faults and despite my struggles. The past two years, I have taken my eyes off of who really matters... my eyes are now directed toward my family and the kingdom of God. I don't pretend to be perfect on this blog. I try to stay very transparent. And I believe if we were all honest, we would see how we have used people for our own gain. I also believe that if we evaluated how much time we spend really listening to our children, we would be in shock. Time yourself one day... just the times you are totally engaged with your child with no distractions. Unless you are super mom or have been through what God has been teaching me lately, I would say that number is small. It is a total shame. I cried for such a long time when this came to me... thank you God that stuff is out of my life that caused me to put my home last. I still have a way to go and a lot of things to weed out of my life, but I feel like each day I get to take deeper and deeper breaths. My stress level has dropped. I am off of anxiety meds. My TMJ issues are a lot less bothersome. I had a lot of people try to offer me advice while I dealt with a lot of events the past two years. None of them compared to what I knew would be best... God holding my hand as he walked me through my life. It was as if He was allowing me to look down on myself and see the big picture of what was happening at little moments in my life. And I have realized what things have stressed me. I have realized that people are cruel. I have realized that people gossip. I have realized that people manipulate. I have realized that it's alright to let go.... but... I have realized that their are some people who love me. I have realized that a sweet comment from a friend hours away can make my day because I know they truly mean it and have no ulterior motive. I have realized who cares. I have realized that 20 minutes with my girls is better than any one hour conversation with someone. I have realized that laughing with my husband can make a smile stay for hours. I have realized who really needs my help and where God wants to me to focus my gifts. I have realized that God is by far the best father, protector, provider, and friend I will ever have. He is my everything and I am His. We are on an amazing journey together... raising a family, being a wife, loving my job, and serving His kingdom. He is SO good to me!
May 25, 2011
Mar 29, 2011
Behold, I am here, Lord.
In high school and college, I would tear through my Bible with wild abandonment.... I had the time, I had the passion. Jesus was my best friend! I had VERY few people that I could call a real friend and honestly spent most of high school hanging out with adults. But today, I praise God for something that most people wouldn't.... I praise God that I had very few friends, that I had the time... and that I poured myself into reading His word. BECAUSE, here I sit today, busy as can be. Two amazing children to raise, a wonderful husband to spend life with, a business to run, a home to take care of, bills to pay, family members to take care of, etc. I sat in church on Sunday and thought about how little time I get to spend tearing through my Bible with wild abandonment, taking it all in. And when I did, I thought of scripture that God made my motto all through high school and college. "...Behold, I am here, Lord." - Acts 9:10
What stuck out to me then was that Ananias went to lay hands on Saul even though he was afraid of what Saul could do to him. I was impressed that he laid aside his fear and ran to do the work of the Lord. As you can imagine, I was probably a lot more timid than I am now. I had a hard time standing up for myself, let alone standing up for God to someone who could choose to kill me. Ananias was a super hero to me.
But what sticks out to me today with all these responsibilities surrounding me is that as soon as God said his name, Ananias's immediate response was, "Behold, I am here, Lord." He didn't say, "Hold that thought while I get this email out!" or "Hang on, I gotta go get groceries." He simply said, without hesitation, "Behold, I am here, Lord." HERE I AM!!!! What do you need? Yes, he hesitated a little when the job description was given, but he was still at God's beckoning call.
Today, Ananias is my super hero for another reason. He is reminding me that my answer should always be, "Behold, I am here, Lord." Ananias could have simply ignored God. But instead he chose greatness. He chose to hear God, to follow God, to put Him first above all other things. He chose to change history with His main man, God. Ananias chose to go to Saul and lay hands on him so that he could receive his sight. So basically, Ananias was God's front man to helping the start-up of Paul's ministry. How many times have we put God off until he has chosen another vessel to help achieve amazing things?
I'm taking this to heart. I say it all the time, "God, family......" But too often it's God that is last. I want to be a part of the awesomeness that God is! I want to tear through his word hearing from Him. I want to be the one that God can call on to get things done when he wants, not when there's time.
"Behold, I am here, Lord."
What stuck out to me then was that Ananias went to lay hands on Saul even though he was afraid of what Saul could do to him. I was impressed that he laid aside his fear and ran to do the work of the Lord. As you can imagine, I was probably a lot more timid than I am now. I had a hard time standing up for myself, let alone standing up for God to someone who could choose to kill me. Ananias was a super hero to me.
But what sticks out to me today with all these responsibilities surrounding me is that as soon as God said his name, Ananias's immediate response was, "Behold, I am here, Lord." He didn't say, "Hold that thought while I get this email out!" or "Hang on, I gotta go get groceries." He simply said, without hesitation, "Behold, I am here, Lord." HERE I AM!!!! What do you need? Yes, he hesitated a little when the job description was given, but he was still at God's beckoning call.
Today, Ananias is my super hero for another reason. He is reminding me that my answer should always be, "Behold, I am here, Lord." Ananias could have simply ignored God. But instead he chose greatness. He chose to hear God, to follow God, to put Him first above all other things. He chose to change history with His main man, God. Ananias chose to go to Saul and lay hands on him so that he could receive his sight. So basically, Ananias was God's front man to helping the start-up of Paul's ministry. How many times have we put God off until he has chosen another vessel to help achieve amazing things?
I'm taking this to heart. I say it all the time, "God, family......" But too often it's God that is last. I want to be a part of the awesomeness that God is! I want to tear through his word hearing from Him. I want to be the one that God can call on to get things done when he wants, not when there's time.
"Behold, I am here, Lord."
Mar 7, 2011
What a Day!
I learned a lot today.
(I write this not for advice or solutions, but to let it out - to process what I learned today in hopes it might help one of you by my being transparent.)
It was an absolutely frustrating day from the very beginning... I'm talking like 2am. It just continued throughout the day. I'm so frustrated with myself. I'm frustrated with some of my choices. I'm frustrated with my lack of faith. I'm frustrated to think that I have been scared to death to lose friends so easily like I have in the past. (But praise God, the friendships in my life that matter are God given right now and aren't going anywhere.... I learned that today!) I'm frustrated with what is going on with Reagan's little tummy. I am frustrated that my grandmother has to deal with the things she does as she grieves. I am frustrated that my daddy has to deal with what he does. I am frustrated that my husband works everyday so hard and we still struggle... and the gas prices don't help... So I'm frustrated with gas prices, too! I am frustrated with my business plan. I am frustrated with my inability to be able to get down and play with my children more often. I am frustrated with the state of my home right now... it doesn't know what it was like when it was clean all the time. I'm frustrated that I can't help people like I want to. And so much more....
And, honestly, I laid on the couch and moped for a long time today. And then God does what He does so well, and started opening doors for me. I got three phone calls today and some emails. Booked some great stuff and quoted some others. I had a nice heart to heart with a friend. I had a nice heart to heart with my husband. And sitting on the verge of climbing my mountain to get out of this valley, I realize a lot...
I realize that I'm blessed to have been able to make some of the choices I have been able to make - like stay at home to raise my kids even though it wasn't easy! I realize I have faith, I'm just vulnerable right now and I'm fighting the enemy... which then made me realize that God must think I'm something or I wouldn't have so much to fight against. I realized that God placed some amazing people and family in my life. I realized that even though Reagan has tummy problems, I have two sweet baby girls that God gave me to love. I realized that my grandmother and our entire family was blessed to have had this man, Paddy Paw to love. I realize that my daddy is so patient and lets God radiate to others like I have never even come close to doing. I realized I am blessed to have a husband who does work hard everyday to provide for us. I realized that I am blessed to have a business doing what I love no matter how profitable it is or isn't, it's what I love. I realized today that this reality check got me thinking and I went outside and played hide-n-seek with my girls... I realized I have some great kids that I should spend more time playing with than trying to provide for sometimes. I realized that I am blessed, so blessed, to have a house to get dirty! I realized because of some amazing people's words, that I do help people more than I realize.
My plan for tomorrow is to hold my head up high and praise God! “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:18 KJV No matter how bad I see it as being... my God has my back. I don't know how it will work out, but He always makes it work out... even when I feel alone. Tomorrow I will praise God! Tomorrow I will put into action my faith. Tomorrow I will be grateful for what I do have. Tomorrow I will have hope for a better future.
But my plan for tonight is to breath in the love of God that surrounds me. To love Him. To seek Him. My plan for tonight is to let Him hug me all night as I sleep. My plan for tonight is let God heal my hurting heart. To let God grab my hand and pull me out of this funk I have been in since this fall. My plan is to let myself grieve a little tonight - to cry if I need to. I have far more to be thankful for than I have want of. I have a grandfather in Heaven with Jesus and a great group of family and friends surrounding me here on earth. Thank you God for your love for me even when I feel so inadequate and when I have pity parties. Thank you for helping me realize that I have been missing out on life lately. That the joys you have put in front of me, I have missed because I have been hurting so badly.
God taught me a lot today. I don't ever want to forget it! My life is in His hands... I have to let go of what I think I can fix on my own and hold tight to the one who can fix everything... He saved my soul from condemnation.
Rom 15:13 (Phi) "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in your faith, that by the power of the Holy Spirit, your whole life and outlook may be radiant with hope."
(I write this not for advice or solutions, but to let it out - to process what I learned today in hopes it might help one of you by my being transparent.)
It was an absolutely frustrating day from the very beginning... I'm talking like 2am. It just continued throughout the day. I'm so frustrated with myself. I'm frustrated with some of my choices. I'm frustrated with my lack of faith. I'm frustrated to think that I have been scared to death to lose friends so easily like I have in the past. (But praise God, the friendships in my life that matter are God given right now and aren't going anywhere.... I learned that today!) I'm frustrated with what is going on with Reagan's little tummy. I am frustrated that my grandmother has to deal with the things she does as she grieves. I am frustrated that my daddy has to deal with what he does. I am frustrated that my husband works everyday so hard and we still struggle... and the gas prices don't help... So I'm frustrated with gas prices, too! I am frustrated with my business plan. I am frustrated with my inability to be able to get down and play with my children more often. I am frustrated with the state of my home right now... it doesn't know what it was like when it was clean all the time. I'm frustrated that I can't help people like I want to. And so much more....
And, honestly, I laid on the couch and moped for a long time today. And then God does what He does so well, and started opening doors for me. I got three phone calls today and some emails. Booked some great stuff and quoted some others. I had a nice heart to heart with a friend. I had a nice heart to heart with my husband. And sitting on the verge of climbing my mountain to get out of this valley, I realize a lot...
I realize that I'm blessed to have been able to make some of the choices I have been able to make - like stay at home to raise my kids even though it wasn't easy! I realize I have faith, I'm just vulnerable right now and I'm fighting the enemy... which then made me realize that God must think I'm something or I wouldn't have so much to fight against. I realized that God placed some amazing people and family in my life. I realized that even though Reagan has tummy problems, I have two sweet baby girls that God gave me to love. I realized that my grandmother and our entire family was blessed to have had this man, Paddy Paw to love. I realize that my daddy is so patient and lets God radiate to others like I have never even come close to doing. I realized I am blessed to have a husband who does work hard everyday to provide for us. I realized that I am blessed to have a business doing what I love no matter how profitable it is or isn't, it's what I love. I realized today that this reality check got me thinking and I went outside and played hide-n-seek with my girls... I realized I have some great kids that I should spend more time playing with than trying to provide for sometimes. I realized that I am blessed, so blessed, to have a house to get dirty! I realized because of some amazing people's words, that I do help people more than I realize.
My plan for tomorrow is to hold my head up high and praise God! “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:18 KJV No matter how bad I see it as being... my God has my back. I don't know how it will work out, but He always makes it work out... even when I feel alone. Tomorrow I will praise God! Tomorrow I will put into action my faith. Tomorrow I will be grateful for what I do have. Tomorrow I will have hope for a better future.
But my plan for tonight is to breath in the love of God that surrounds me. To love Him. To seek Him. My plan for tonight is to let Him hug me all night as I sleep. My plan for tonight is let God heal my hurting heart. To let God grab my hand and pull me out of this funk I have been in since this fall. My plan is to let myself grieve a little tonight - to cry if I need to. I have far more to be thankful for than I have want of. I have a grandfather in Heaven with Jesus and a great group of family and friends surrounding me here on earth. Thank you God for your love for me even when I feel so inadequate and when I have pity parties. Thank you for helping me realize that I have been missing out on life lately. That the joys you have put in front of me, I have missed because I have been hurting so badly.
God taught me a lot today. I don't ever want to forget it! My life is in His hands... I have to let go of what I think I can fix on my own and hold tight to the one who can fix everything... He saved my soul from condemnation.
Rom 15:13 (Phi) "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in your faith, that by the power of the Holy Spirit, your whole life and outlook may be radiant with hope."
Feb 22, 2011
My Problems....so little....
I've been meaning to blog lately about all the feelings and frustrations I have been having. And I'm still going to, I'm just hoping to make myself realize how truly blessed I am... to make you realize how blessed you are.
Ok, I have only a few people who I tell all my problems to... and honestly, they don't hear as much as God does. Here is what I have been facing... (Promise I need no pity party, just need to make these points to get to my next one...which is good!)
1- Feeling worthless. I have put way to much emphasis on my successes equaling my self worth. Just because I don't book this week doesn't mean I am worth nothing. I can honestly say that I have learned this week that it just means God thinks I am worth a lot and has my back. Sessions during some weeks would be something else for sure! Just because I don't get everything on my list accomplished each day doesn't mean I failed. Sometimes it means that I deemed holding my baby girls in my arms as more important than processing pictures. That is not failing... that is grabbing all the precious moments I possibly can with my girls before they are all grown... that is success. I tell myself each day that I am a princess of the Most High God. I AM WORTHY!
2- I recently went out of my comfort zone and emailed/talked to several who have called on me from time to time to lay out business goals, give nothing short of photography and editing lessons, and so much more. I decide to no longer mentor anyone. Why? Well, it goes against my good nature. I want to help everyone and I LOVE teaching this business. But when it started to be painful and actually hinder my own business I stood up for myself. Was this decision easy? No. Did it hurt people's feelings? Probably. Did I feel better? No. Not when I did it, but I know my stress will be lower and I will no longer feel used when I see my ideas used immediately after I just used them... or even better, I will feel so much better knowing that people are going to have to learn the real art and business of photography on their own. I hate when people call themselves a photographer but refuse to learn the skills and technology needed to be a "true" photographer. It makes me feel as if I am helping my fellow photogs and the reputation I have noticed us having lately. What is that reputation? Well, when people ask my occupation, I get responses like "Ain't everybody in Tennessee a photographer?" Makes me furious! Do they know how many, many hours I have put into learning over the past 7+ years? When my kids go to bed, I learn. This is serious to me and I just don't think I can take pictures because I have a halfway nice camera. I am putting my foot down. You really have to impress me for me to give you advice now days. And guess what I don't stress about people using me in that way anymore. Ahhh... deep breath taken.
3- Feeling deadlines breathing down my neck... makes me shiver. I hate being late and I have been doing a lot of it lately. I think that God is trying to continue His lesson that I am not in control. I'm learning God... slowly, but I am learning!
4- Stress! I think based on the previous 3, it goes without saying that I am stressed. But here's something very few know about. I have struggled with anxiety and stress and panic probably my whole life, but it's been documented for the past 11 years. I take a mild dosage of anti-anxiety medication for generalized anxiety disorder. Do I think that this means I am going to hell or that I don't have enough faith? No. In fact, I have been in a few church services in my days in which some of the very ministers who may read this blog have said things like, "You don't need some drug to make your mind right. You just need Jesus." I agree I just need Jesus. But Jesus gave doctors wisdom for a reason. Does this mean I haven't prayed for a healing? No. I have prayed and do pray, but for now I know that it is me who has to have a drug in order to not have a panic attack each day. So, the next time you criticise someone who takes it, THINK! My disorder isn't because of what someone did in my childhood or something evil I did. I have a medically proven imbalance of serotonin in my brain. All in all the stress is getting me right now. But God is opening my eyes to ways to handle it better. Making me appreciate the blessing of a chest that breaths easy and a mind that doesn't race even more than if I just had an instant healing. Has this been easy? No. But I realize why God is taking me through it and I know what Satan is fighting me more and more... because I am getting closer to the realizations that God has for my life.
5 - TMJ just... well, sucks for lack of better word. Obviuosly somewhat related to the above mentioned stress. EVERYDAY I live with ringing in my ears and pain in my ears and face. Some days I have horrible headaches just like migraines just minus the vomitting. It is a horrible thing to live with. I am struggling to find doctors to help with this. My chriopractor has worked wonders though... LOVE you Dr. Holt.
6 - Am I a good Mommy? I will never be what I think I should be. I want to just be half as good as my mother was. I don't have much to say on this because I have just accepted that I will most always have this question in my head... I think it means I AM a good Mommy that I care enough to ask that question and evaluate myself for my children's sake.
7 - A variety of other things... Aging grandparents, missing grandparents, running a business, finding time for God (I hate that term, but I must get better at it really), listening to friends, etc.
Ok, to the real point that I wanted to make... I thought of all these things and so much more lately that I wanted to blog about. I don't know if I thought that laying it all out there for the world would make me feel better or what. But this morning I woke up to a mess. Emails, things not done right, and banks closed just made for a rough morning. Then I scrolled down my facebook news feed to see that one of my really good friends had some horrible news. Her daughter is just over a month old and has pnuemonia. She is on a ventilator. She found her blue and limp this morning. My morning didn't start off too bad then did it? I had a reality check. Yes, people are stealing my copyrighted pictures today,... and yes, Reagan pooped a little in her panties... and yes, I couldn't go to the bank... BUT my babies are safe. God you are way too good! I have prayed all day for baby Caroline. And I have thanked God for what Baby Caroline has taught me today. That even on my crummiest day, it is better than someone else's. Put your problems into perspective. Your kids may scream. Your hubby may be working long hours like mine. You may meed to get errands done but stuff just keeps happening. BUT you don't have to be where my friend Marie is right now. I have been there. It's the hardest thing I ever went through in my life. To see your baby so sick. I learned this lesson once and I will learn it many more times. That while my problems are still important and mean something to God, they are still far less important than someone else's.
Ok, I have only a few people who I tell all my problems to... and honestly, they don't hear as much as God does. Here is what I have been facing... (Promise I need no pity party, just need to make these points to get to my next one...which is good!)
1- Feeling worthless. I have put way to much emphasis on my successes equaling my self worth. Just because I don't book this week doesn't mean I am worth nothing. I can honestly say that I have learned this week that it just means God thinks I am worth a lot and has my back. Sessions during some weeks would be something else for sure! Just because I don't get everything on my list accomplished each day doesn't mean I failed. Sometimes it means that I deemed holding my baby girls in my arms as more important than processing pictures. That is not failing... that is grabbing all the precious moments I possibly can with my girls before they are all grown... that is success. I tell myself each day that I am a princess of the Most High God. I AM WORTHY!
2- I recently went out of my comfort zone and emailed/talked to several who have called on me from time to time to lay out business goals, give nothing short of photography and editing lessons, and so much more. I decide to no longer mentor anyone. Why? Well, it goes against my good nature. I want to help everyone and I LOVE teaching this business. But when it started to be painful and actually hinder my own business I stood up for myself. Was this decision easy? No. Did it hurt people's feelings? Probably. Did I feel better? No. Not when I did it, but I know my stress will be lower and I will no longer feel used when I see my ideas used immediately after I just used them... or even better, I will feel so much better knowing that people are going to have to learn the real art and business of photography on their own. I hate when people call themselves a photographer but refuse to learn the skills and technology needed to be a "true" photographer. It makes me feel as if I am helping my fellow photogs and the reputation I have noticed us having lately. What is that reputation? Well, when people ask my occupation, I get responses like "Ain't everybody in Tennessee a photographer?" Makes me furious! Do they know how many, many hours I have put into learning over the past 7+ years? When my kids go to bed, I learn. This is serious to me and I just don't think I can take pictures because I have a halfway nice camera. I am putting my foot down. You really have to impress me for me to give you advice now days. And guess what I don't stress about people using me in that way anymore. Ahhh... deep breath taken.
3- Feeling deadlines breathing down my neck... makes me shiver. I hate being late and I have been doing a lot of it lately. I think that God is trying to continue His lesson that I am not in control. I'm learning God... slowly, but I am learning!
4- Stress! I think based on the previous 3, it goes without saying that I am stressed. But here's something very few know about. I have struggled with anxiety and stress and panic probably my whole life, but it's been documented for the past 11 years. I take a mild dosage of anti-anxiety medication for generalized anxiety disorder. Do I think that this means I am going to hell or that I don't have enough faith? No. In fact, I have been in a few church services in my days in which some of the very ministers who may read this blog have said things like, "You don't need some drug to make your mind right. You just need Jesus." I agree I just need Jesus. But Jesus gave doctors wisdom for a reason. Does this mean I haven't prayed for a healing? No. I have prayed and do pray, but for now I know that it is me who has to have a drug in order to not have a panic attack each day. So, the next time you criticise someone who takes it, THINK! My disorder isn't because of what someone did in my childhood or something evil I did. I have a medically proven imbalance of serotonin in my brain. All in all the stress is getting me right now. But God is opening my eyes to ways to handle it better. Making me appreciate the blessing of a chest that breaths easy and a mind that doesn't race even more than if I just had an instant healing. Has this been easy? No. But I realize why God is taking me through it and I know what Satan is fighting me more and more... because I am getting closer to the realizations that God has for my life.
5 - TMJ just... well, sucks for lack of better word. Obviuosly somewhat related to the above mentioned stress. EVERYDAY I live with ringing in my ears and pain in my ears and face. Some days I have horrible headaches just like migraines just minus the vomitting. It is a horrible thing to live with. I am struggling to find doctors to help with this. My chriopractor has worked wonders though... LOVE you Dr. Holt.
6 - Am I a good Mommy? I will never be what I think I should be. I want to just be half as good as my mother was. I don't have much to say on this because I have just accepted that I will most always have this question in my head... I think it means I AM a good Mommy that I care enough to ask that question and evaluate myself for my children's sake.
7 - A variety of other things... Aging grandparents, missing grandparents, running a business, finding time for God (I hate that term, but I must get better at it really), listening to friends, etc.
Ok, to the real point that I wanted to make... I thought of all these things and so much more lately that I wanted to blog about. I don't know if I thought that laying it all out there for the world would make me feel better or what. But this morning I woke up to a mess. Emails, things not done right, and banks closed just made for a rough morning. Then I scrolled down my facebook news feed to see that one of my really good friends had some horrible news. Her daughter is just over a month old and has pnuemonia. She is on a ventilator. She found her blue and limp this morning. My morning didn't start off too bad then did it? I had a reality check. Yes, people are stealing my copyrighted pictures today,... and yes, Reagan pooped a little in her panties... and yes, I couldn't go to the bank... BUT my babies are safe. God you are way too good! I have prayed all day for baby Caroline. And I have thanked God for what Baby Caroline has taught me today. That even on my crummiest day, it is better than someone else's. Put your problems into perspective. Your kids may scream. Your hubby may be working long hours like mine. You may meed to get errands done but stuff just keeps happening. BUT you don't have to be where my friend Marie is right now. I have been there. It's the hardest thing I ever went through in my life. To see your baby so sick. I learned this lesson once and I will learn it many more times. That while my problems are still important and mean something to God, they are still far less important than someone else's.
Jan 18, 2011
Preparing for the Blessings!
Let me begin by stating that I have never been one to seek God for His blessings only. He is much more than a gift giver and bill payer to me. He is the one who gave His Son... and then He is the one who gave His Life... and He then went to prepare an eternal home for me but sent The Comforter to be with me. If He never gave us anything more than forgiveness, it would be enough.
So, having said that, let me also say that I took that belief a little to the extreme over the years. I asked God for things. And that's it. I never believed that I deserved what I asked for or that God even wanted to bless me. This resulted in me feeling so inadequate compared to others. I didn't understand how they could ask for something from God and then receive it. God was too busy saving the lost to bless me, right? And wouldn't it be so greedy of me to ask more of Him?
Lately, I have greatly doubted my ability as a photographer and mother. And God birthed in me what I shared as my Facebook status today,
"God has been teaching me to be actively preparing for Him to answer my prayers. So often I pray and never do anything else. It's like a garden, you can plant the seed & take care of it, but if you aren't preparing for a place to store the goods, then what are you going to do with the harvest? I'm preparing my life for the answers that are coming my way!... and thank you, God for all your blessings."
I realized that God wants to bless me and bless in my OBEDIENCE! Not in my disobedience, but OBEDIENCE! Deuteronomy 28:1-6 says,
"1 If you fully obey the LORD your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations on earth.
2 All these blessings will come on you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God:
3 You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country.
4 The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock—the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks.
5 Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed.
6 You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out."
What? He WANTS to bless me... He said it in His Word! Yes, I know, I'm so late to jump on this idea, but it amazes me. I still feel so unworthy of His blessings, but I realize that without them, I cannot let His light shine from my life. He gives me these blessings to reach others.... my children, the lost, the broken, the needy, and yes, even those who think they have it all figured out.
Take this scripture and read it carefully,
Matthew 7:7 – 8 (ESV)
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.
What do you do when you ask God for something? Does it stop at asking? Or do you seek after it, knock on the doors?
Listen to what the Lord says to the Israelites in II Kings,
2 Kings 3:16-18 “And he said, "Thus says the LORD: ’Make this valley full of ditches.’ For thus says the LORD: ’You shall not see wind, nor shall you see rain; yet that valley shall be filled with water, so that you, your cattle, and your animals may drink.’ And this is a simple matter in the sight of the LORD...
It seemed so ignorant to dig ditches where it was dry. They were supposed to be fighting a battle not digging and preparing for water! Are you fighting when you are supposed to be preparing for the blessing that God has promised? I sit here right now, multi-tasking, working on my business. God birthed something in my heart about this business... I need to prepare for what God is about to pour out. How can I receive the blessings of more clients if I'm not even ready? Why would God give me more, when I'm not even ready for what I have? I have been working feverishly on updating my site, my blog, and my scheduling, as well as finding a studio location. I AM PREPARING FOR THE HARVEST!!!! I believe that God will allow the water to flow through my life so much so that this water will be enough to fight my battle for me and wash away my enemies as well as bless me in this desert!
I am also believing God for a better life for my family... I am preparing! Matt and I are preparing a plan for getting out of debt. We are preparing for those to come to us that need help... I am digging my ditches. I am not worried about my enemies... I am worried about digging my ditches... God will take care of those who are against Him and my family! I will no longer believe the lie of the devil when he tells me my work is not worth paying for, that my kids deserve a better mother, that we will never have more than we have now.... I will NOT believe Him! I WILL believe the promises of my Father!... I am preparing for those promises He is sending my way. I am not ashamed to ask Him for things! He wants to bless me! I will use those blessings for Him. I WILL use those blessings for Him!
So, having said that, let me also say that I took that belief a little to the extreme over the years. I asked God for things. And that's it. I never believed that I deserved what I asked for or that God even wanted to bless me. This resulted in me feeling so inadequate compared to others. I didn't understand how they could ask for something from God and then receive it. God was too busy saving the lost to bless me, right? And wouldn't it be so greedy of me to ask more of Him?
Lately, I have greatly doubted my ability as a photographer and mother. And God birthed in me what I shared as my Facebook status today,
"God has been teaching me to be actively preparing for Him to answer my prayers. So often I pray and never do anything else. It's like a garden, you can plant the seed & take care of it, but if you aren't preparing for a place to store the goods, then what are you going to do with the harvest? I'm preparing my life for the answers that are coming my way!... and thank you, God for all your blessings."
I realized that God wants to bless me and bless in my OBEDIENCE! Not in my disobedience, but OBEDIENCE! Deuteronomy 28:1-6 says,
"1 If you fully obey the LORD your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations on earth.
2 All these blessings will come on you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God:
3 You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country.
4 The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock—the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks.
5 Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed.
6 You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out."
What? He WANTS to bless me... He said it in His Word! Yes, I know, I'm so late to jump on this idea, but it amazes me. I still feel so unworthy of His blessings, but I realize that without them, I cannot let His light shine from my life. He gives me these blessings to reach others.... my children, the lost, the broken, the needy, and yes, even those who think they have it all figured out.
Take this scripture and read it carefully,
Matthew 7:7 – 8 (ESV)
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.
What do you do when you ask God for something? Does it stop at asking? Or do you seek after it, knock on the doors?
Listen to what the Lord says to the Israelites in II Kings,
2 Kings 3:16-18 “And he said, "Thus says the LORD: ’Make this valley full of ditches.’ For thus says the LORD: ’You shall not see wind, nor shall you see rain; yet that valley shall be filled with water, so that you, your cattle, and your animals may drink.’ And this is a simple matter in the sight of the LORD...
It seemed so ignorant to dig ditches where it was dry. They were supposed to be fighting a battle not digging and preparing for water! Are you fighting when you are supposed to be preparing for the blessing that God has promised? I sit here right now, multi-tasking, working on my business. God birthed something in my heart about this business... I need to prepare for what God is about to pour out. How can I receive the blessings of more clients if I'm not even ready? Why would God give me more, when I'm not even ready for what I have? I have been working feverishly on updating my site, my blog, and my scheduling, as well as finding a studio location. I AM PREPARING FOR THE HARVEST!!!! I believe that God will allow the water to flow through my life so much so that this water will be enough to fight my battle for me and wash away my enemies as well as bless me in this desert!
I am also believing God for a better life for my family... I am preparing! Matt and I are preparing a plan for getting out of debt. We are preparing for those to come to us that need help... I am digging my ditches. I am not worried about my enemies... I am worried about digging my ditches... God will take care of those who are against Him and my family! I will no longer believe the lie of the devil when he tells me my work is not worth paying for, that my kids deserve a better mother, that we will never have more than we have now.... I will NOT believe Him! I WILL believe the promises of my Father!... I am preparing for those promises He is sending my way. I am not ashamed to ask Him for things! He wants to bless me! I will use those blessings for Him. I WILL use those blessings for Him!
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