Want Him Here

I am simply having a hard time functioning lately... so many things that I don't want to think about right now. When I went to my grandmother's the other day to help her put up her Christmas tree, I kept thinking about my wonderful grandfather who typically got all the decorations out for us. I wanted to call his name in so many statements. I even found myself sitting down one time, waiting for him to bring another box in... only to realize I had to go get them this year. I miss him so much! I want Christmas so bad for my kids, but it seems I just keep putting off getting the last list of things done... because if I get them done, then I have to go to Christmas at my grandmother's and not see him there. Yes, I want to be with my family... but it's so hard not to ask where he is or to go see if he's on the porch sitting in his usual spot. It's hard to hear my kids talk about him as if he is still here. I guess I'm just a little selfish tonight and I really want him here! I don't want him hurting like he was when he got sick... I just want him here. It's okay that I just want him here, isn't it? (Although, I know he's lovin' hanging out with Jesus right now!)

Time with God

The following is a prayer that I prayed to God tonight... Yes, I'm being very transparent, but I feel the urge to be at this moment... After all, what Mother hasn't felt this way before?

Dear God,
I feel like I should say that I miss You. I haven't actually just "made" time to talk to you in a while. But, instead, I'm saying, "thank You." Thank You for understanding when somedays all I can say to You is, "Wow! That's an amazing child You made." Thank You for making me feel You when I'm editing a photograph and see Your love in someone's eyes as I zoom in on them. Thank You for giving me a husband who at times, spoon feeds me the Word of God because I'm all about being a Mommy and rarely find time to read anything other than Dr. Seuss books. Thank you for talents that make me aware everyday that You are amazing... that You are so near. I love seeing and being with the people You made. Thank You for knocking me back into reality when I feel like my kids are just too stressful for me. They aren't. They are from You and deserve my best even when I don't feel like giving them my best. Thank You for my church. That every Sunday morning I can feel You with an undeniable intensity that washes all my cares away. Thank You for friends who give status updates on Facebook that help me get Your Word and songs into my spirit each day as I do my job and answer inquiries. Thank You, God, for those inquiries that often lead to work, which leads to bread and milk and clothes for my babies. Thank You God for a best friend that knows just how to listen and let me rant... and then still loves me no matter how much of my ugliness she sees. Thank You for these tears rolling down my face because, in this prayer, I have realized that I shouldn't feel like I need to say, "I miss You." For, God, I see now that You have helped me to create a conversation with You everyday... whether I have realized it or not. You have heard my deepest thoughts that pass through my heart, even though I haven't utter the words to You. You have given me scripture to help me through the day, even though I haven't picked Your Word up in my hands. You have given me a chance to sing to You. You show me Your beauty in everyday things. You teach me to love better and deeper with each reality check. God, thank You, for loving us Mothers. For knowing what we need each day. Thank You for understanding that we seek to be everything for our families. Thank You for giving us a way to "talk" to You when we have over booked ourselves. I love You, Father! You are amazing! You have my back even when I don't know it.
Amen

Learning the value of TIME...

As I sit here, finally done with my day's work before midnight for once this week, I realize how time just flies by. Often as Madison and Reagan's Mommy I feel like I strip them of so much time with me in the name of making a living. I know that I spend a lot more time with them than I realize at those weak moments when it feels as if I have stared at a computer screen for the entire day. They are my world. They are why I follow my dreams. I want them to grow up as strong women of God who aren't afraid to go after the vision, talent, and passion in their lives. Saying this, I realize how teaching them this has caused me so much frustration with them. They are NOT children who just go with the flow and never question things. One might say that is disrespectful... and, honestly, there are times they are disrespectful... but mostly, they know what they want and aren't afraid to speak up... they are negotiators. I'm proud of that.

So what's really on my heart? I've been working on a Birth Story. I was actually present at the birth to photograph the joy of Miss Brooklyn's arrival. And I thought of my girls. As I snapped a photograph of the clock on the wall at her birth, I felt a little sad. To think that how time has just slipped by since my girls were born. Madison is 6 1/2 and Reagan is almost 3. Yikes! I want to do more for them and with them. I want to be a better woman, wife, business owner, and mother for their sake.

I have been spending time since school started, getting "my house in order". Making cleaning easier, laundry more organized, work time more efficient, and cherishing moments together as a family. I thank God for placing this in my heart. It has made a huge difference in our day-to-day life. Do we still have a long way to go? YES!!!!! But to know that each day my girls have time with me and their daddy. And to realize that slowly, I'm making time for those outside of the four of us. It's little things like being there for my grandmother just to give her a ride to the doctor. Or to take Dunkin' Donuts to the best pediatrician in the world. Or to sit with your friend as you run around town and just laugh. Time gives us all these things, but we refuse to take them. Life gives us these things. Time is valuable. It contains so much if we choose to cease the opportunity.

Welcome....

I have been meaning to make a family blog for some time now. It's so hard for me to keep everyone updated but I thought this would help a lot. Let's begin by getting you caught up...

-Madison is getting close to the end of her first year of school. Tomorrow she goes for half a day. She has learned so much this year. Yes, I will brag for a while... she was in the top reading group in her class and she has mastered all of her skills for the year. We are SO proud of her.



-Reagan is growing everyday. She loves to dance, sing, and just to talk to someone. Every morning involves strawberries or grapes. She loves being outside... especially with Papaw.



-Matt is busy working and planning the first Great Knox Worship Conference. He spends a lot of time continuing to teach himself piano.



-Jess is continuing to build her photography business, In His Image Photography. God has really blessed her with a good amount of business and great customers.