Moms & the "It" & Ministry

A long time ago, I titled this blog "About the Journey:  How We Get There Matters" because I believe wholeheartedly that it really does matter what happens between point A and point B.  I believe that you should do your best all along the way and try to help others as you go.  But what happens to a person that believes this but suddenly finds herself feeling that her best is just not cutting it or that she is helping no one?

"It" has been building in my life for months now.

... whatever "it" is.

Maybe "it" is the pressure I feel in my chest when I look around and realize the work I have before me or I jot it all down on my to-do list and realize that I need a whole binder of notebook paper to fit in everything that truly needs to be on that list.  Maybe "it"  is the fountain of tears that flow out of my eyes on a regular basis when I think of all that has been against me and the family in the past several months - trying to tear me, us.... my relationships apart.

Maybe "it" is that feeling that mothers should just begin to listen to instead of ignore.  What if the "it" is God's little way of letting us know we need to take a step back and realize what really matters to us and then do that?

What matters to me?  God, my husband, my children, my family, reaching people for God, helping moms, and making a little time for myself so that I can do well the things that matter.

How did I get this list?  Getting here wasn't easy.  I was running around literally dying inside and not knowing who I was or what my mission in this life was... the mission God Himself had made me to do.  I'm still working on it.  A whole lot of time being alone with God has ensued and it has been worth every moment.

Then God led me to let stuff go.  I hesitated, but eventually listened.  I'm still in the process of letting go.  And let me tell you, some days, like today, it hurts deeply.  Other days, I can feel the freedom I will have when I am all done letting go... it's rising up in me, getting me so excited about what GOD is going to do with me now!

And then, I listened to Laura Ingalls.

Yes, I did.

As I have read her first two books to our daughters as part of our homeschooling, her story about her journey has led me to realize the beauty in little.  Her family had little in our eyes but time and again they mention living like kings.  Oh, I want that mentality.  To realize that I don't need so much, that I am already living like a queen.  Things so often cause the "it" to rise up in my chest and hurt.

So today, moms, or anyone else who took the time to read this, I encourage you to listen when the "it" rises up in your chest.  We are doing too much, wanting too much, and really asking too much of those around us, as well as asking too much of ourselves all because we feel a pressure from some outside source (society maybe?) that says we have to be  and have all those things.  We are letting our spouses, children, God, relationships, and self suffer deeply by owning the feeling that we have to be all, have all, and do all.

Maybe today, you have had tears pour wildly down your face because you felt alone in your thoughts.  The pressure has been too much and you just don't know how much longer you can deal.  You just know you are the worst mother, wife, friend, Christian there is in the world.  You feel like you are closing up inside yourself and no one will ever notice the pain you have from feeling like you just can't cut it anymore.

Today, I notice.  God notices.  And I really believe that we can use the "it" feeling to determine when too much is just too much and it's hurting us.  Possibly that means letting go of some things, or talking something out with a loved one, or asking for help, or giving your children more responsibility, or taking time for yourself this weekend, or going to a Bible study, or just hitting your knees and letting your Heavenly Father do what He does best - love on you!

Do not give up mom!

I've told you I have been there.  I felt the "it" feeling today and thought I would die from the explosion about to happen in my head.  But here's how I cope with that feeling now:

First, I have that instinctual get angry, fight or flight instinct that I have always had.  Only now, I take a breath and ask God what He wants me to do in that moment of THAT feeling.  Today, He led me to you!... to writing this blog.  And here you are reading it.

I hope that you take time today to ask God to help you prioritize life - to help you get to a place that you are accomplishing your mission and yours alone.  My current mission is my ministry - my ministry is my children and I do this ministry with my husband.  It is the greatest ministry position I have had in my life.  It might not be held in high esteem by the world like some ministries, but none the less, it is the most important ministry I will ever be apart of.

If you are there too, in this place of ministry because you have children, then let no one convince you that this ministry isn't important!